very small people Blog
Just taking a short break from our regular programming with this blatant promo for my latest blog:
Tell your friends. 
It’s all just the same words!
CLIENT: You’ll charge me that much to write my brochure? What say you just copy this
ME: Can’t. It’s copyrighted.
CLIENT: Copyright? No way. It’s all just the same words we use anyway, so how the heck can they own those?!?
ME: Well, we all just use the same letters too, right? Sorry, it doesn’t quite work that way…
Eldon Sarte
http://eldonsarte.com
We’re not paying. Just because.
CLIENT: Why’d you come all the way here?
ME: To collect the money you owe me.
CLIENT: You went all the way here just for that? It’s a tiny amount! We could have handled it all by email.
ME: It’s large enough. You’ve ignored all my emails. And you’re only 15 minutes away by Metro.
CLIENT: Well, we’re not paying.
ME: Why not?
CLIENT: We’re not paying. Just because. Chalk it up to experience. <giggles>
ME: I have a better idea. I’ll have my lawyer do a bit of suing. You’ll probably hear from her tomorrow — she lives for this stuff.
CLIENT: You an idiot? You’ll pay a whole bunch of legal fees to get this sorry amount of money?
ME: Actually, you’ll be paying her fees. It’s right there on page 6 of the contract, probably next to where you initialed the page on your copy — it is on mine.
<Sounds of paper shuffling and pause as he reads>
CLIENT: Here’s your @#$&@(#! check!
Eldon Sarte
http://eldonsarte.com
How do you get away with that crap?!
CLIENT: We went to eLance and ordered a bunch of custom articles for our website. Crap crap crap! Couldn’t use them, they were that bad! I saw your writing and was wondering if you can do articles for us.
ME: Sure, I’ve got some free time next week to do a few Web articles for you.
CLIENT: Great! How much do you charge?
ME: For an article ## number of words in length and minimal research requirements, I charge a base of $X per article. That could and will likely change depending on project requirements, quanti…
CLIENT: What!?! That’s highway robbery! How do you get away with that crap?! I can have the work done on eLance for a fraction of what you’re asking!!!
ME: Knock yourself out.
Eldon Sarte
http://eldonsarte.com
It’s not invoice-worthy.
A client emailed to have a few modifications done to a print brochure/booklet I wrote and designed for him about a year back.
CLIENT: It’s simple stuff and you’ll only be fiddling around with the computer files. You won’t need to have it printed anymore — my buddy said he’s got connections. So I figure there’s no need to send me any new invoices.
ME: You should have contacted me last week! I just installed this new software that won’t let me do work that can’t be invoiced.
I guess since the work’s too simple to invoice, you should be able to do it yourself with the files I already sent you.
Hey, thanks for thinking of me. Certainly check my availability in the future if you have any invoice-worthy work!
Eldon Sarte
http://eldonsarte.com