FreelanceSweat

I specialize in building websites and blogs for the Christian community (churches, non-profits, etc.). After sending a bunch of emails back and forth, probably an hour on a proposal and maybe 30 minutes or so chatting on the phone, this client was ready to sign. We had just scheduled a face-to-face at their office and we were saying our goodbyes when…

(Note, I am a Latina, with a very “Christian Latina” name)

PROSPECT: You’re not a Jew are you?

ME: Um, excuse me?

PROSPECT: Are you Jewish? We refuse to give our money to those people.

ME: Wasn’t Christ a Jew? You don’t want to give your money to Christ?

PROSPECT: Please answer the question.

ME: No, I’m Catholic. But I am a lesbian if that means any…

PROSPECT: [click]

Anonymous

A happy hour friend says he can really tell it’s summertime: The number of support calls for his apps increases. From temps. Like this one:

PROG: I’ll have to drop by and reset the password then. But are you sure you’re typing it in right? Passwords are case-sensitive.

TEMP: Heck yeah, I got it right. I was watching her type it in at training.

PROG: What’s the password?

TEMP: asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk…

True? Not true? Sounds more like the latter. But it’s funny.

Eldon Sarte
http://eldonsarte.com

I do a bit of designing on the side — logos, t-shhirts, mugs, that kind of stuff. I met someone at a local business women’s networking dinner who asked me to design a special event logo to be imprinted and sold on t-shirts, coffee mugs and other “specialty advertising” merchandise. I gave her an estimate of how much I would charge for my services.

HER: This is an excellent opportunity for you, high visibility! So I was thinking I’ll pay you a percentage of net proceeds.

ME: I know my accounting terminology. So you’re saying that not only won’t you pay me for my work, you want to pay me ONLY if you make a profit?

HER: Look at the big picture, this is really good PR for you!

ME: OK, you told me your husband’s an orthodontist. My 13yo daughter wants to be a cheerleader, but says she won’t make it since her teeth’s crooked. So, here’s what: Call your husband and set it up so he can do braces for my girl. If she then makes it into the cheerleading squad, I’ll pay him. Deal?

HER: You won’t get anywhere with that attitude.

Ginny Design

Your fax story reminds me of what could be my most fave problem client quote of all time. I’m a freelance graphic designer and Web designer:

CLIENT: White space? I’m paying for the paper, that means I already paid for that white space! I’m paying YOU for ink. FILL IT UP!

Anonymous

A client I had done lots of work for before practically begged me to take on a daily blogging gig (written in batches) for a blog not fully fleshed out in concept yet (I’d have to do the concept too, in other words) for a borderline insulting rate. Forget my hourly rate — it was offensive to the industry. Although not at the silly Elance jobs penny-an-article levels that only the “hey, I know the alphabet!” offshore set would take on — it basically dissed writers, it was that low.

But the occasional softy that I am for folks I like, I did a day of soul searching and eventually talked myself into doing it just for these guys if I could get a few other non-cash benefits thrown into the deal (links, highly visible credit throughout their product line, etc. etc.).

ME: OK, I’ll do it. When do you want the first batch?

THEM: Whoa! Hold your horses cowboy! Write and send over a few posts first to see if we like the concepts for a go-ahead.

ME: …

Eldon Sarte
http://eldonsarte.com